Roz and the Schnoz (Frasier) and now accepting puns on my name

“We couldn’t get a straight take, it’s wonderful that way.”

Roz and the Schnoz is the punniest episode of Frasier, which is why it’s among my all time favourites. The plot: Roz is pregnant with the child of her boy-toy, and though they’ve split, his parents (Paula and Steve) want to meet her. They come over to Frasier’s place, and both of them have a very very large beaks. The boy-toy had had a nose job. Several puns and jokes on the nose follow. Samples:

Paula: You know, Steve and I went to that a few years ago. We just love dogs! We have two giant Schnauzers.
*
Paula: Yeah, I’m just a little nervous. I hear the Parisians can be kinda snooty.
*
Steve: [o.s., re: quiche] Mmmm, what’s that I smell?
Martin: [whispering] Probably Japan!

Read the script here. I suggest you begin from the middle, when Paula and Steve enter. Nothing in YouTube, sorry, but you may buy the DVD and get me my first referral cent, heh. This goes up on my wishlist when I create one.

Also, look at what tops the list in this Amazon search for Frasier: The Fifth Season. Heh…Which reminds me – searched for Frasier at Palika, but they all tried to offer porn titled Fresher. No M*A*S*H either. I switched entirely to the News/CNBC/VH1 combo once Star World took Frasier off the air, preseason.

Other all time favourite shows: M*A*S*H (not the movie, though), Whose Line is it Anyway, The Drew Carey Show, Seinfeld, The Simpsons. Is there a trend? I never liked Everybody Loves Raymond. While on comedy, Russell Peters will be in Delhi in September-October…I’ll put up the details as soon as they’re announced.

*

While on puns, I’m sure you’ll agree that my name (pronounced Pa-wa with a hint of an h) is very punny. So far:

1. ‘I’ve got the Pahwa’: Began in school, in 10th, when some showed signs of rudimentary intelligence and bad taste in music. I used to react quite often when some of the classmates said “I’ve got the Pahwa”, but that was because none of the girls ever said it, and to prevent any rumours – the guys never got the Pahwa. After a while, I stopped reacting and they ran out of ideas.

2. Powwa: Next, a gregarious teacher in school came up with ‘powwa’ which is collquial for a quarter of alcohol. I think I was, for once, sleeping on the last bench. Powwa became very popular, and it gave the guys much to act drunk about. It spread to the rest of the school and someone even once asked a group I was with, who powwa is, much to everybodys delight.

3. Poha/Powa: College in Pune added another pun to the list though, surprisingly enough, no one used any pun to my face there. One usually expects the opposite in a hostel. Not that I scared them, but by then I had developed a reputation for wordplay myself… Of all the puns, this was perhaps the least intelligent.

4. Ravi came with phrases with the ‘power’ connotation one bored afternoon, a couple of years ago – I’ve got the Pahwa, Pahwaful and, as a ganglord from Delhi – Vulgar Display of Pahwa [context]. He kept apologising, expecting me to feel bad. Quite the opposite – I was laughing. 😀

*

The world seems to have run out of puns on my name, or so I think. Prove me wrong. To some, this is asking for trouble…I’m looking for a possible tagline for my blog. 😀

So far: I’ve got the Pahwa, Vulgar Display of Pahwa, Pahwarotti – a tenor.

P.s.: Both parts of this post owe their existence to Shekhar. He’s been repeating old jokes on Pahwa, and asked me to search for Frasier DVD’s…which I intend to buy for myself too

Continue Reading

Pimping your browser

If you’re using Firefox (and you should be. No excuses), install the Pimpzilla theme for a browser with bling. I’ve always preferred the functional look for my broswers, but this is amusing without being in your face; ironic for a theme that supposedly pimps your browser. I laugh out loud every time I see that peach (thanks Aishwarya) fur. This isn’t just another Mac theme clone, and my guess is that it will spawn a whole set of pimpzilla themes – for Winamp, for Windows. Let’s wait and see.

I like:

1. The bling – gold buttons that shine on mouseover
2. Gold scrollbars
3. The fur – peach fur all around, and cheetah fur as a tab-background.
4. The way the icons blend into the fur background

And what’s pimping, you ask? Wikipedia to the rescue:

Wikipedia:

Pimp can also be used as a verb such as “You’re pimped up!” or “Pimp my ride”. The latter example refers to customizing an automobile, made popular by the show Pimp My Ride on MTV. It can also be used as an adjective connoting the same, i.e. “Man, that car’s pimp!”

Either use was originally a derogatory term, implying that the subject was overly decorated and tacky (referring to the stereotype of pimps with excessive jewelry, flashy clothes, or brightly colored cars with animal-print upholstery and crystal chandeliers). It was eventually reclaimed as an American slang term for being unique, “cool”, or socially desirable, in much the same way as the term “ghetto fabulous”. It’s even used to describe a young teenage male as “cool” or who is very popular with teenage girls, and can meet and talk to them with ease.

So what are you waiting for? Download the theme (here). To see more screenshots, click here.

Peach, yeah. That’s the fruit.

[Note: I suppose the title of this post will get a lot of people searching google for sex to this blog. Oops…mentioned the ‘s’ word. That’ll triple the count…]

Continue Reading

Chortling…

Sample One:

Her eyelashes fluttered like the windshield wipers of an eighteen-wheeler on the Ohio Turnpike when the weary-eyed driver is trying to have at least some vision in a heavy August rainstorm that is like an Appaloosa urinating on solid asphalt.

Sample Two:

“I know what you’re thinking, punk,” hissed Wordy Harry to his new editor, “you’re thinking, ‘Did he use six superfluous adjectives or only five?’ – and to tell the truth, I forgot myself in all this excitement; but being as this is English, the most powerful language in the world, whose subtle nuances will blow your head clean off, you’ve got to ask yourself one question: ‘Do I feel loquacious?’ – well do you, punk?”

Sample Three:

“It was a day, like any other day, in that Linus got up, faced the sunrise, used his inhaler, applied that special cream between his toes, wrote a quick note and put it in a bottle, and wished he’d been stranded on the island with something other than 40 cases each of inhalers, decorative bottles, and special toe cream.”

Sample Four:

He loved her like no other, their romance developing quickly, like the rapid growth of farm swine which grow from 2 to 4 pounds daily until they’re fully grown and put to market for slaughter, or like the rapidly growing cells that produce moose antlers until they fall off in early spring, and suddenly Bill sensed the imminent doom of his romance lying in wait.

Link from Shekhar: The results of the 2006 Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest. Go read. 🙂

Continue Reading

The Headbutt

Via email and SMS, I’m told that Materazzi asked Zidane ‘Hum Chlormint Kyun Khaatein hain?’

Then there’s Materazzi who claims that he did not call Zidane a terrorist (ref: Zidane’s Algerian descent). The joke? Materazzi clarifies: “I’m ignorant. I don’t even know what the word (terrorist) means.”

It has also been claimed that this headbutt was more accurate. I still think that Zidane’s headbutt was beautiful, and didn’t impact the result as much as most people think. The game would have meandered towards a 1-1, imho, and Zidane’s sending off just made things a little difficult for the French. There’s no telling if they would have scored if Zidane hadn’t been sent off. And David Trezeguet would have still taken a penalty.

I think Zidane deserved the Golden Ball, and Materazzi the headbutt. Another rumour is that Materazzi insulted Zidane’s mother, who had been admitted to a hospital the morning of the game. Lots here. Fifa’s also investigating the incident, though I think it’ll probably be an eyewash. Materazzi or Zidane might get fined a few thousand dollars, less than a day’s wages for them. A good idea for Zidane would be to claim that Materazzi insulted Sepp Blatter’s wife and mother. Heh.

(From PPrune: Materazzi was heard muttering afterwards, “and his wife gives better head”)

Just in case you feel like headbutting Materazzi, go here. Or even if you feel like being Zidane. 🙂

Or you can watch this tribute to Zizou:

Continue Reading

Lifebuoy se nahao, nahih to shamshan jao

sham

Ironic, innit? That’s not all. Even the walls of the Electric Crematorium are being used for advertising. This is prime advertising space on the ultra busy Mathura Road in Delhi. The irony of the above pic was noticed by my friend Abhinit, while I pointed the rest of the adverts out to him.

sham2
(Will substitute this, once I get a better image from Abhinit.)

Right next to is, on the walls of the crematorium are three others The other advert, with the Brazillian tee is of Sportstar (Special World Cup issues for Rs.8 only).

Actually, it might do a lot of good…might distract those mourning:

“He was such a kind soul. Why God, why? Why why wh…Oi! World Cup issues at only Rs.8? WOW! I must go and get me one of those”

Well, it is a bargain at Rs.8, y’know.

Continue Reading

Quotable Quote from the World Cup

So far, it has to be the following statement by the commentator on ESPN during the Sweden vs Trinidad and Tobago game:

“The hopes of Trinidad and Tobago have been written off more times than the Mexican national debt”

Had me LMAO. Excellent game. Every other game so far pales in comparison – including the Germany vs Costa Rica scorefest and the England vs Paraguay game where Peter Crouch was, surprisingly, outstanding.

We also wish Harsha Bhogale would curb his enthusiasm and perhaps allow others, especially the experts, to speak. Get John Dykes back, pliss.

Continue Reading

More Useless Fun

Again, courtesy Aditya, a link that might make you laugh so hard that you’ll fall off your chair:

The killer facts that you might have made up‘ thread, and

Sample:

I.R. Pirate: A polar bear, when standing on the north pole, faces south, no matter which direction he faces. A polar bear, when standing on the south pole, faces north, no matter which direction he faces.
stue: What happens when he looks at the ground??
I.R. Pirate: he sees his feet sir
stue: Clever Clogs! Anyway, did you know that polar bears dont have any feet?
I.R. Pirate: Polar bears call their paws feet
steynvcants: polar bears have feet but they dont have yards
[…]
ex_matelot: Polar bears should always be seated to the left of an archbishop at a dinner party.
[…]
ILS32: Polar bears only rides a bicycle when there’s an R in the month.
[…]
taildragger: Polar bears eyes cannot recognise the colour beige. Many penguin varieties have therefore taken to wearing cardigans for camouflage. Polar bears sometimes hide their black nose behind a pawful of snow when sneaking up on eskimos. The smarter eskimos have taken to strewing pepper on the snow and listening for sneezes. Polar bears are not interested in glacier mints. They prefer polor mints.

Sounds fun.

Continue Reading

Jungle Jungle baat chali hain, pata chala hain – chaddi pahen ke World Cup hame hi jeetna hain

Each of the Hyundai sponsored WC coaches will have the teams slogan on it, voted for by fans. Surprisingly, for a sport with the largest fan base in the world, the slogans aren’t particularly inspiring.

Let’s take a hypothetical situation – it’s the 2050 world cup and India makes its first appearance in the finals, exactly a century after they should have (Trivia: they qualified in 1950 but refused to participate because they weren’t being allowed to play barefoot). What would their slogan be?

“100% of the world cup should be reserved for us”
“We made the ball, and we’ll take the cup”
“With two billion voters, this cup is our democratic right”

Okay, I’ll stop mixing sports and politics:

“This time we’re wearing shoes; this time we’ll play and we’ll win”
“#Include (WorldCup.Win); “
“Jungle Jungle baat chali hain, pata chala hain – chaddi pahen ke World Cup hame hi jeetna hain”

More later. Pliss to make use of comment box for posting your slogans.

Here are the not-so-inspired slogans slogans, some of which don’t seem very inspired (probably because the English translations don’t do them justice) :

Angola – “Angola lead the way � our team is our people”
Argentina – “Get up, Argentina are on the move”
Australia – “Australia Socceroos � Bound for glory”
Brazil – “Vehicle monitored by 180 million Brazilian hearts”
Costa Rica- “Our army is the team, our weapon is the ball. Let’s go to Germany and give it our all”
C�te d’Ivoire – “Come on the Elephants! Win the cup in style”
Croatia � “To the finals with fire in our hearts”
Czech Republic � “Belief and a lion’s strength, for victory and our fans”
Ecuador � “Ecuador my life, football my passion, the cup my goal”
England – “One Nation, One Trophy, Eleven Lions”
France � “Libert�, egalit�, Jules Rimet”
Germany – “For Germany, through Germany”
Iran – “Stars of Persia”
Italy � “Blue pride, Italy in our hearts”
Japan – “Light up your Samurai spirit!”
Korea Republic – “Never-ending legend, united Korea”
Ghana � “Go Black Stars, the stars of our world”
Mexico – “Aztec passion across the world”
Netherlands � “Oranje on the road to gold”
Paraguay � “From the heart of America… this is the Guarani spirit”
Poland � “White and red, dangerous and brave”
Portugal � “With a flag in the window and a nation on the pitch. For�a Portugal”
Saudi Arabia – “The Green Hawks cannot be stopped”
Serbia and Montenegro – “For the love of the game”
Spain � “Spain. One country, one goal”
Switzerland � “2006, it’s Swiss o’clock”
Sweden � “Fight! Show spirit! Come on! You have the support of everyone”
Togo � “A passion to win and a thirst to succeed”
Trinidad and Tobago – “Here come the Soca Warriors � the fighting spirit of the Caribbean”
Tunisia � “The Carthage Eagles… higher and stronger than ever”
Ukraine � “With our support, Ukraine cannot fail to win!”
USA – “United we play, United we win”

Oh and, I really liked the ESPN-Star Sports slogan for the WC: Dunia Goal Hain, particularly because I’d already thought of it and it was a pleasant surprise.

P.s.: Around six years ago, I had read in the India Today that a soccer school was being run in Delhi. They’d gone and recruited some of the tallest kids from villages and small towns and were training them so that they could represent India in the World Cup. I haven’t heard of them since. Anyone else read that article, and anyone know what happened to them? Oh, and don’t forget to post your slogan for India. 😛

Addendum:
Amit Ken suggests

Seedhe raste ki yeh, tedhi chaal hai, Goal Maal Hai bhai sab Goal Maal hai.

Very apt, I think. The English translation – Crooked steps down a straight path. The goal’s the goal, brother the goal’s the goal. Of course, my translation doesn’t come close to the intended meaning, and misses an amusing auditary pun in Goal Maal.

Tags:
| | | | | | |

Continue Reading