Fan-boy reviews The Simoqin Prophecies

Book Review: The Simoqin Prophecies

Take a large cauldron full of water. Pop in an Abhishek – any will do; throw a stone (large) into any crowd of more than 20 in India and you’re likely to hit two. Take one of them and pop him into the cauldron and allow the water to boil for three minutes. Using a dropper, extract a couple of drops, and throw the rest away. Thank Abhishek, now awake, soaking wet and very confused, for his time. Maybe even show him the door and open it for him if he teeters towards a wall.

Walk over to your bookshelf. Pick out Borges’ Book of Imaginary Beings, The Ramayana, The Mahabharata, Greek Mythology for Dummies, Book of South Indian Names and a packet of Maggi.

(You keep Maggi in your bookshelf? Never mind)

Add fresh water to the cauldron and allow it to boil. In the meantime, find a homicidal rabbit call Steel-Bunz and rename him Fluffy, much to his chagrin. Ask Abhishek to get off the grass, outside, and set Fluffy upon him if he doesn’t leave. The water will probably be boiling by then.

Take some water out in a bowl, for the Maggi. Don’t forget to add the masala.

Add all the books to the boiling water and mix well. Add a teaspoon of Samit Basu‘s humour to the vortex, a drop of Abhishek-water and think of a hot centauress, quickly. If a hand doesn’t emerge from beneath the surface, with a copy of The Simoqin Prophecies, ready to read, then you’ll probably have to try again. The other drop of Abhishek-water would come in handy then; if you’ve spilt the other drop and Fluffy had done his job well- no problem. There’s plenty more Abhishek’s in this world, and probably many more in other worlds.

If a hand does emerge from beneath the surfact of the water, and give you the finger, after you manage to pull its only copy of The Simoqin Prophecies out of its rather tight grasp, you may sit down with your bowl of Maggi and read.

Warning: As you read, be careful not to choke on your Maggi while laughing. I don’t think the author can be held liable.

Also, don’t forget to put the books back in the shelves -‘ you’ll need them for The Manticore’s Secret.

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For a better review, click here. He’s been kinder to Abhishek’s, though.

The Simoqin Prophecies is a “must read”, and it is the first book in over a year, wherein I’ve managed to read 250+ pages at a stretch, which is a big thing for me; it’s the sort of book I wish I’d read when it first came out. Samit is probably one of those people who don’t gulp and smile sheepishly when asked to “Say something funny, quick!” He seems ever-ready with a quip, and the book reflects that.

“The Manticore’s Secret”, Book Two of the Trilogy, will be launched at us day after tomorrow (14th December). This fan-boy will be there, to get his copy signed. The Jabberwock has reviewed The Manticore’s Secret here.

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7 Comments

  1. Well, I have both the books – of Imaginary Beings and eings on my imaginary bookshelf. *grins and points*

    Rhymebawd: Don’t go by the prologue and the usage of parentheses so early in the novel.

  2. Oh man. From what little I read of this it seemed very bargain basement material – a tired forced i’ve put a gun to your head and shall stick it up your butt and shoot if you don’t come up with a joke – (it doesn’t matter if its not funny) knock-off of Terry Pratchett. But well whatever floats yer boat, my phat friend.

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